Tuesday

I finished The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus.

His exposition and elucidation of the "absurd" condition of humanity (there must be a better word to translate the French...) resonated with me, to be sure. The main middle of the book rang hollow, though, as it seemed to be merely a praise of the type of person he found "cool," not of how to cope or become better in the face of the meaninglessness of human life. Perhaps I expected too much.

The conclusion, and actual exposition of the titular myth, took a number of pages I could count on one hand. It seemed to be that Camus expected his point clear by then: Sisyphus' task became meaningful, rather than a torment, if/when he accepted it for what it was, and choosing to continue rolling his boulder up his mountain forever.

Thankfully there will be no forever for me. That thought is a solace.

More yard work today. Perhaps I will venture a proper bath. I typically shower.

Today's music is "Arson" by Harakiri for the Sky. They have their roots in black metal, which I typically avoid due to the high-pitched coarse vocals and low production quality common in the genre, but it seems that Harakiri for the Sky has grown toward more of a post-metal (or even melodic death metal) sound since last I checked them out. I find its ambiance resonant and familiar. I do not understand most of the words, but I know that they express many of the same thoughts and questions I continue to wrestle with. I hope that doesn't sound too pretentious; I am not one who only listens to music that they can "relate with." See if you enjoy something a bit different.


Tuesday the 17th of September, 2019

1PM
Reading cognitive diffusion techniques in the workbook
Discomfort, tension, anxiety
These are wrong and discomforting. I cannot do these.

8PM
Reading, listening to music
Discomfort, worry
The passage I am reading is tense and strange. The protagonist is in a strange place, encountering cruel, stupid people. It is a mistake, he should leave now. Why won't he leave?

Pain: 15
Struggle: 10
Success: 40